Reactivate Thoughts

This page has laid dormant for far too long.  I can't believe it's been nearly a year!  Apparently my brother-in-law said to my husband, "I really can't believe she doesn't have a blog..."

WELL I DO.

I've just been....distracted?  Lazy?  Busy?  Yeah.  All of the above.

We're up to four kids now.  Insane, right?  Ten pregnancies, 4 take-home babies, 2 spouses permanently "fixed," and a partridge on a tight budget in a small house.  Four is enough for us.  Well, under our current circumstances.  I seem to have lost my mind and would LOVE two more: larger house and lottery win or drastic income increase required).  But honestly, I can't put myself through any more losses.  So, if the unimaginable were to happen, part of that money, due to both logistics and heartbreak, would also go to IVF.  Assuming the husband also got over his current "No. F*cking. Way" stance.

Blackmail and alcohol would probably need to be involved.

But here's the thing: I don't just want this place to be an infertility/RPL or Mommy Blog.  I'm just not that kind of woman, having constant sadness to rehash, kid stories, or cute crafts to share.  Yes, I'll probably share some cooking stuff, because I love to cook and I'm pretty good at it and, let's be honest, I love to show off my fancy stuff.  But my reality is that I'm in need of a full-time job, I have constant home projects going on, I'm highly opinionated about politics and news stories, I love making my daughter's hair into fancy braids, I have relationship and body-image stresses like everyone else, I have products and companies with which sudden obsessions that need to be shared manifest, I have a BSBA in Marketing, an MBA in Strategic Management and an analytical brain that need an outlet, and sometimes I just get bored and need to ramble about observations or experiences that I've had.

So let's just say that this could become a clusterf*ck of posts about the most random of things.  Welcome to my brain.

Once In A Lifetime

Let's start with that song.  I'm not a Talking Heads fan.  I don't hate them, but I really hate that song.  I'm sure the stupid video doesn't help.  Maybe it's some repressed memory that is linked to the song.  Maybe it's the irritating synth crap throughout.  Not sure.  I'll ask my therapist.  But for some reason I've had it stuck in my head for about 3 months.  Mainly this part:


You may ask yourself, "What is that beautiful house?"
You may ask yourself, "Where does that highway go to?"
You may ask yourself, "Am I right, am I wrong?"
You may say to yourself, "My God!  What have I done?"


Now, don't get me wrong.  I really don't hate my life.  It's pretty good by most standards.  But I'm really confused about how the heck I got here.  You know those stupid interviews people do as you complete some phase of your life, like the end of high school or college, and ask, "Where do you see yourself in ten years?"  Well, I sure as hell didn't envision living on the same street as my Junior High school in the same small town I always wanted to escape from, unemployed after two years of looking, therefore being a stay-at-home-mom to two wonderful yet slightly insane little people.  I definitely didn't foresee how totally in love I would be with those two little people -- I wasn't even sure I wanted kids until I met my husband -- nor did I EVER think I'd be about to embark on the creation of baby #3.


So there it is.  Life has become a never-ending series of befuddling observations and unexpected delights.  I want to document those for the kiddos, but also help myself understand this unplanned lifestyle.


You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
You may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"