Thermal Imaging Wake-up

I installed an app a while back that gives me access to local emergency scanners, because in this rural-turning-suburban area, I NEVER seem to know what the hell is going on and everyone else does.  But it also gives me access to myriad other stations across the country.  It also has a feature that alerts me when the number of listeners reaches a certain number.

Now, I normally turn off the sound on my phone at night, but forgot to do so last night.  So I woke up to this:


sonofabitch.............

I'm so tired.

I'm tired of hearing horrible things.  I'm tired of hatred and anger and yelling and intolerance and over-sensitivity.

I'm tired of SEEING horrible things.  I don't want to see the body of the dead 3-year-old refugee baby washed up on the beach.  I don't want to watch an innocent protester get brained with rocks.  I don't want to see an innocent, UNARMED French police officer shot by terrorists who stormed into a room full of newspaper employees to kill as many of them as possible, having gained entry by threatening the child of another employee who happened to bring her daughter to work that day.

And I'm tired of breaking news that makes me feel....resigned.  I'm not surprised anymore.  I'm practically numb and left more aware of an evening news broadcast that's full of NO news than one that is full of bad.

And yet I'm more scared than ever.

I'm afraid to walk away from my children for more than a second, both out of fear of something awful happening to them and out of fear that someone will report me for "neglect" in that moment.

I'm afraid of offending someone with an innocent comment, a funny meme, a simple opinion.  And boy, is an opinion part of my genetic makeup.

I'm afraid for my friends who have had altercations with out-of-control cops.  And for my relatives and friends who ARE cops.

I'm afraid of what is going to make me NOT surprised next.

Yet, I know it will happen sooner rather than later.

We Are...

I went to the University of Pittsburgh, a school that likes to fancy itself a rival of Penn State University in many ways, but especially in football, despite the fact that the two programs have very little in common and PSU is on the winning end of the matchup with an all-time record of 50-42-4.  My husband is currently attending Penn State, continuing this year a "few" years after starting there upon graduating high school.  Over the years, I've traded jabs with him and my many friends who are alumni, but always with the knowledge that they never took the "rivalry" as seriously as my fellow Pitt grads did.

I've been trying to formulate a post this week in the wake of news of Jerry Sandusky's horrible crimes.  I have had so much to say this week with friends, all of us sharing our outrage and disbelief, and I contemplated sharing what my thoughts were regarding the situation, but anything I could say has been said, regarding Joe Paterno, the media coverage and the bigger, more important crimes.

Photo credit: Reuters

Instead, I'll write about this: as I watch the pre-game portion of the Penn State/Nebraska game, I'm crying like a baby.  The seniors running out of the tunnel for a game that doesn't resemble anything they could have imagined even a week ago, the teams mingling in the middle of the field for a pre-game prayer, the pride, conviction, and renewed meaning behind the singing of the alma mater....during all of this, the cameras moved to students who were, like me, crying.

For many of them, this is their first exposure to the ugliness in a world that, to them, has been theirs to rule.  The utopia of Happy Valley has been hit by a virtual nuclear bomb and, while my reality check or introduction to imperfection of men may have been different than theirs, it's something that all of us go through in our lives.

This situation is horrible, disgusting, and only bound to get worse.  But it has united people.  Penn State has an unbelievable ability to raise money for worthy causes and now, their sights are set on organizations created to help Sandusky's and other miscreants' victims.  PSU's real rivals have stepped forward to offer support and understanding.  Today, differences have been set aside for a bit and people are coming together for a much more important reason than a football game.

So, while none of this makes any sense yet, nor will it ever, really, many of us are mourning this loss of innocence with the students and alumni of Penn State.  And even though many of us aren't......

We Are.