Thermal Imaging Wake-up

I installed an app a while back that gives me access to local emergency scanners, because in this rural-turning-suburban area, I NEVER seem to know what the hell is going on and everyone else does.  But it also gives me access to myriad other stations across the country.  It also has a feature that alerts me when the number of listeners reaches a certain number.

Now, I normally turn off the sound on my phone at night, but forgot to do so last night.  So I woke up to this:


sonofabitch.............

I'm so tired.

I'm tired of hearing horrible things.  I'm tired of hatred and anger and yelling and intolerance and over-sensitivity.

I'm tired of SEEING horrible things.  I don't want to see the body of the dead 3-year-old refugee baby washed up on the beach.  I don't want to watch an innocent protester get brained with rocks.  I don't want to see an innocent, UNARMED French police officer shot by terrorists who stormed into a room full of newspaper employees to kill as many of them as possible, having gained entry by threatening the child of another employee who happened to bring her daughter to work that day.

And I'm tired of breaking news that makes me feel....resigned.  I'm not surprised anymore.  I'm practically numb and left more aware of an evening news broadcast that's full of NO news than one that is full of bad.

And yet I'm more scared than ever.

I'm afraid to walk away from my children for more than a second, both out of fear of something awful happening to them and out of fear that someone will report me for "neglect" in that moment.

I'm afraid of offending someone with an innocent comment, a funny meme, a simple opinion.  And boy, is an opinion part of my genetic makeup.

I'm afraid for my friends who have had altercations with out-of-control cops.  And for my relatives and friends who ARE cops.

I'm afraid of what is going to make me NOT surprised next.

Yet, I know it will happen sooner rather than later.